Marriage 101 -- Lesson 3--The Couple that Prays Together Stays Together

This week we spent most of our time talking about how we as couples can pray together. I'm convinced that Satan does not want us developing this habit/avenue to intimacy. While it is a practice that sounds simple, my experience is that it does not come easy. Here's some things that were mentioned as being items we could pray for:

• That God would change me (the individual praying) and help me be more understanding.
• That God would help me met my spouse's needs--and that others would also meet those needs
• Prayers of Thanksgiving
• God's peace, grace, presence
• Wisdom, strength, courage
• Physical Needs
• Protection from Satan
• Spiritual Needs
• Love and Devotion

These are just some ideas to get you started. If this is difficult for you and your spouse, the main thing is to just start. It might be awkward at first, but you will be blessed.

We also started listing some barriers to intimacy. We'll continue with identifying these next week.

There were lots of great comments. I really appreciate everyone sharing! If you happen to read this, be sure to share anything of significance you gained from class or share other thoughts you have about praying together or what you see as being the most significant barriers to intimacy. Have a blessed week praying together!

Marriage 101 -- Lesson 2--Committed to God's Design

Why did God design marriage the way he did? That was our opening question Sunday.

As I planned to use that question, I knew it would stimulate discussion to clarify what was "God's design." When I think of "God's Design", my mind immediately can picture my mom using a phrase I heard her use many times, "One man; one woman." I can see her holding up her index finger on each hand for visual reinforcement. It's a simple expression, but I belive it captures probably the most critical feature of God's design--we are to be committed to our spouse and faithful to them.

This design is illustrated throughout the Bible. I'm just going to mention some of the most significant passages.

• Genesis 2:21-24--God didn't originally put us with multiple spouses
• Exodus 20:14--Thou shalt not commit adultery
• Hosea
• Ezekial 16--Analogy of God's faithfulness to an adulterous nation of Israel
• Malachi 2:13-16
• Matthew 19:1-9--Jesus comments on marriage
• Ephesians 5:21-33

I don't believe you can read these and not see that God's design is for us to be committed to our spouse. So the question remains, "Why was this God's design?"

We surfaced 2 reasons in class....

1. The marriage relationship allows us to learn so much about what God wants from our relationship with him. Scripture again is filled with analogies how the relationship of God to man is similar to husband and wife.
2. Marriage is a spiritual relationship which fosters accountability to another Christian. Within this design we get to know someone very well by spending time with them. We have the opportunity to get to know our spouse's weaknesses....rudeness, lack of faith, worry, pride, unholy talk--take your pick. By creating a setting for time together and increased accountability, God has given us our best earthly support for becoming the person he wants us to be.

In follow up to point #2 above, I shared my opinion that the best way to build a spiritual relationship with our partner is to PRAY TOGETHER. We'll come back to that next week, but don't wait till them. Spend some time this week praying with your spouse. I'm not talking about a meal time blessing, or a time of prayer with your kids as they go to bed. I'm talking about opening your heart to God and letting your spouse listen in and praying FOR God's blessings for your spouse as well. Every time Kerrie and I have dedicated ourselves to this, we have been blessed.

As we will try to do each week, we'll try to incorporate some discussion on advice we've heard and valued. I shared a piece that I heard when Kerrie and I were engaged and in a class for engaged couples at a large college church. Our minister, who was a guest speaker asked the class, "How do you know you picked the right mate?" You could have heard a pin drop. It's a sobbering if not scary question to engaged couples. His thoughts were basically...."You've picked the right person if they love God more than they love you." It was a powerful way of emphasizing to us that being committed to God's design was more important than applying our great wisdom in selecting just the right person.

Be thinking about the concept of "intimacy." In addition to prayer, we'll be discussing it a good bit this Sunday. Thanks to all who were there Sunday. We missed you if you weren't. Have a blessed week.

Marriage 101 -- Lesson 1

We opened class with a couple of questions. 1) How many of you have either gone through or have had a close friend or relative go through a divorce or separation? I think every one's hand was up. Question #2--How many of you would consider yourselves to be an expert on marriage? No one's had went up although one wise husband indicated that his wife was. What I hoped to gain by asking these questions was an understanding that we all can benefit from a class on marriage whether we are single and hoping to be married, married, or just at a point where we may be able to minister to help someone make the most of marriage. Divorcees are welcome! I realize discussion may be painful at times, but we can all benefit.

I shared stories of a number of couples I have known at a previous congregation (no names-just true stories) of couples who either went through some really trying times or had their marriages end in divorce. All of these were active members in the church I was attending, and I was surprised when I heard about the problems in each instance. Again, I hoped to emphasize the relevance of our topic and also let people know that their marriage is not guaranteed.

We discussed how our temptations regarding being faithful to our spouses are not identical to our grandparents temptations. While I don't think I made the connection in class, I brought this issue up because I wanted to remind us all that our marriages or under constant attack from Satan; this truth merits us doing everything we can to avoid pitfalls.

I also introduced a couple of foundational points for our series:

• Marriage should be a spiritual relationship
• God's desire is that we be committed to our spouses.
  

One other point that kept surfacing throughout the class was so many times the affected spouse as well as other individuals (christian friends or counselors) are caught totally off guard. Often when we hear of a pending divorce, it seems that the decision has already been made in one party's mind. There are a number of reasons for this--some legitimate, some used by Satan. Regardless of the reasons, this dynamic makes it all the more important to be proactive in building stronger marriages.

We will pick up there next week!